I’m supposed to be living the life of a cat.

Got home from my Divemaster internship at Christmas and headed to a last minute trip to West Palm Beach diving. Cold but very fun! Great diving with goliath groupers and swarms of fish… We dove at the famous Blue Heron Bridge – very shallow but loved it! We also had a few days of boat dives – first day freezing with clouds and drizzle. Definitely happy I brought my boat coat! Last day beautiful with sunny skies.

On the way home, I drove up to Orlando to see Heidi and my brother Phil…

I was busy studying to be a landscape ecologist when I got a call about supporting an old team for two months. I’m busy working months of Feb and March – this is NOT the cat life but it is funding a month in Indonesia end of year!

One month into work I got an abnormal mammogram so am waiting biopsy results….after I got it taken, they were cleaning up telling me I was very clean…”hardly any blood.”

Never a dull moment! Enjoying working with former colleagues and realizing I still have it in me. Also ready to return to the challenge of my new life.

I have taken the pressure off of myself for the rest of the year. I deferred Nobiz and cancelled my run coaching. I am allowing myself to pause, be reflective and just do the basics….building my community, going back to crossfit, eating healthier, running an hour (vs 4+), and enjoying my clarinet and piano. This post has a cat as the picture because for years, I have woken up and been envious of my cats’ lives as I headed out for some stressful day at work. Now I am the cat.

I worry that if I slow down, I may stop and never start up again.

Evidently, no one else is worried this will happen…. My body needs rest and is having issues with recovery – I need to stop pushing it so hard and be OK with building back a little slower (and with more fun!).

I’m super proud of what I’ve done to regenerate myself this year including:

• Planned and executed an amazing Alta Via 1 family trip
• Planned and orchestrated my and Kennys’ retirement (Rode the wave, the anxiety, the financials, the transition)
• Supported KK and my mom for 4 weeks so far post retirement
• Started training in March when I couldn’t run around the circle and ran a half marathon 4/20. Now I can do training blocks of 4+ hours.
• Met Amherst garden club, made TV Good Morning America and got involved
• Worked towards scuba DM certs doing Science of diving and Stress/Rescue training
• Painted and redecorated our entry (still in progress)
• Restarted piano and clarinet. This is a biggie and I don’t know how I got away from them. Formed a woodwind quintet!

So for the next two months, it’s back to the basics with trying to be consistent daily with crossfit, running, music and community building as I also finish my scuba skills prior to November divemaster training in Roatan. Back at crossfit today!

My friend sent me the book “I hate running and you can too” which also reminded me that goals can be whatever you want them to be. Faster does not make you happier (ie. the hedonistic treadmill of running) and it’s OK to just be active. Don’t give up. Get back up after setbacks. Treating myself with kindness.

Oh, and setbacks being things like the horrible jetlag we had after getting back from AV1 (maybe not having a job makes that worse?) or my terrible bittersweet induced rash over my body and the effects of prednisone for two weeks to fix it (suffered a little during our Papoose trip!).

– The Cat

Huge running milestone for this year as I ran an 10:58 mile as part of my 20″ endurance run! Record breaking for my efforts this year.

I am also very happy that I did a 4 hour long run and felt good enough to march in the Merrimack Fourth of July parade in support of Kenny and his Flying Eagles RC Club! This is also a big milestone because normally I would need a time out after this.

Another HUGE milestone as part of “getting back to my normal life” post retirements is that I started to play piano and clarinet again! I am working on forming a woodwind quintet – meeting next week – and I am also visiting my piano teacher, Jim Rizza, who is turning 93 in a week. He has made such a difference in my life – I sat down to play and couldn’t stop thinking about him. I feel bad it has been so long since I went to visit him and want to correct that.

My life is normal when I have my athletics and music in order. Getting there! I still have to just lose this extra weight to really get back to normal!

The piano and music room are dusted! Music is sorted! Two flamingos from the “flocking” by a scuba friend in place…. I am very focused on sight reading, basic scales and recovering some of my favorite pieces.

Faced my fears and took the bike off the trainer and put on the back wheel (this was easy now although years ago tears were involved), charged my lights, found my helmet and headed out for a 90 min ride through Hollis.

I didn’t want to feel like a sausage so just wore my skort vs. riding shorts. Ended up going 15.61 miles, 1:18 hr, elevation 735′, @ 5:03″/mile avg pace. Went Witches Spring to 122 with detour thru neighborhood then back to 122, right onto Merrill lane and then back to town on Depot Rd, Wright Rd across from Lull farm to home.

I was ready to be done! Hot day and ran out of water, butt hurt and I spent 2 hours recovering my torso spasms. Way better than I thought it was going to go on the hills so that was great. No walking and no torture!

Tracked the hill sprint and took 2:29 for 0.63 miles up that hill.

Trust the process and put in the work.

One month into “retirement.” A call yesterday with China about supporting a Chinese companies entry into the US market. Hours spent mulching and cleaning up my yard. Hours spent trying to make friends with my Amherst gardening tribe helping them prep for the plant sale (digging, potting, filing big pots/moving pots). Hours spent painting my front entry and stairs – a project that’s been on my list for years. I know I’ve been lonely working remote but hadn’t realized how desperate I am to have a nearby friend until a running friend moved up here and I was so excited to know ONE person I could relate to. I prioritized working with garden club over some workouts to help develop my community – a key goal this year.

I have missed a few running workouts and strength workouts because I was just too darn tired after gardening. I am trying to feel better about it thinking gardening is like sled pulls (leaves) and pushes (wheelbarrows), deadlifts (moving pots for plant sale), abwork/lifting (mulching) and that I am becoming stronger even if missing a few runs. I’ve dug up thousands of snowdrops, done heavy pruning of shrubs and still spent a few beautiful days on the Hollis trails.

I go to bed absolutely destroyed each night barely able to move. Is that age? Being out of shape or overweight? Doing too much? Exercise combined with stress of change? I can’t separate all of these variables. Making no progress on losing weight although not eating stupidly either.

I decided to make training the priority and get it done first going forwards so I know I am “The Trained” and that I have done all I can. I came down to TN to help my mom and sister and to play with some cute puppies. The break from all the chores around my house will give me a rest I think I need as I run around Big South Fork.

Trying to figure out what “rest” means and how to slow down a little to process my next steps.

It was around 51F and a rainy day in Weston, MA. A week before I couldn’t even run 30″ for my scheduled 2 hr long run – I just went home after an hour I was so beat. I am not sure if it is the mental stress of transitioning out of my job, or the double whammy of hours of yard work plus workouts that broke me! I took it easy last week and did hills and intervals and light yardwork (only 4 hrs day before race!!) to try to recover for this race.

12.8 miles done!

6.8 more miles than I have done in the past year and a half! I would say it was a stretch and I wasn’t quite trained but I did it and was not wrecked at the end. It is true I was tired and didn’t do too much the rest of the day 🙂 Huge mental boost and an accomplishment considering I couldn’t run around my block beginning of March!

Strategy: 5″ run, 5″ walk

Clothes: 51F, rainy. Wore short sleeve XOSKIN + rain jacket. For first loop I had maroon sweatshirt tied around my waist just in case but it was just hot and bulky so I left it at the start after my first loop and was still a little warm after the rain stopped.

Food/water: Standard 200 cal/hour with mix of food (payday, cliff bloc) and tailwind/water. I should have drank a little more water but did drink a solid 3 hours worth.

New lesson learned: First time I ran in glasses and in the rain. Wore my Kilkenny hat and because there was no wind, my glasses stayed dry! No issues even with fogging.

No cramps, feet issues (need to better lube as I thought I felt the start of a hotspot on my right foot).

A success!!!! Although I was tired, my pace was fairly consistent throughout the race with a slowdown at the aid station and in middle. I tried to speed up and also find a new gear as I did at Hamsterwheel with the dying headlight but couldn’t near the end. I did run in!

I started training with a coach again March 4 so it’s been one month. I am proud of the fact I’ve been consistent. I want to remember where I started so I can go back to this post at the end of this year:

March 4: Day 1. I remember not being above to run around the Oakwood circle without walking. 30 min @13:30 pace.

March 6: Silver Lake look trail 2.7 mi, 15:23/mile. Ran first mile nonstop – huge landmark!

March 11: Ran 40″ nonstop in flat Florida @ 13:28/mile

March 22: 30″ time trial. 11:46/mile

April 5: Last week when I had an hour assigned I could only make 30″ with mostly walking. Stress of work/transition, etc. Today I ran 90″ NONSTOP @ 13:47/mile. Huge mental boost – I can already do a 10k! Note: In 2 weeks I signed up for a half marathon so we’ll see how that goes 🙂

I have issues since I started running again (since 1984 high school, started in 2019 – 35 years later!) knowing my old teenage times and always comparing to them. Now I know my “slow” 2019 times and am even slower:) This year I am focused every day, every hour, on healing and making myself well again. My new mantras are:

• Great job for getting out today – Consistency will pay off!
• It took ~3 years of serious stress (work and otherwise) to get where I am now, it will take some time to heal and get back. That is OK and focus on gains over this year – not comparisons to former years.
• One minute at a time as I focus on improved nutrition, sleep and community

I mailed my work computer back evening of April 2, 2024. The week before, Kenny and I flew to DC for a going away party at CIRCA on Clarendon (pic above). My Directors flew in from CA/TX for it and the saddest time came as I left the restaurant thinking it might be the last time I see them. They’ve already been in touch since then 🙂 My main remembrance from that party was people leaving saying “I give her six months” (before she returns to work)! I am serious about aligning my life with my values and getting back into good health – my goodbye note stated a few key things I am focused on this year:

• Fiercely fighting for the natural world…being a citizen scientist in the oceans and forests (my husband and I are working on our Scuba divemaster and teaching certifications and plan to work on conservation efforts/awareness)
• Building community through music (I am working on jazz improvisation), athletics, gardening, swing/lindy hop dancing
• Hiking the ~75mile, 22,000 foot elevation gain trail called Alta Via 1 in the Italian Dolomites with my family in July
• Recertifying as a f&*^% savage (re. David Goggins) as I train for the 100 mile, 14,5000’ elevation gain Nobusiness100 race in October
• Interviewing people about their successes and adventures as they Dared Greatly …working on a future book
• Being a more involved and present daughter, sister, wife and friend

I will not be back full time in six months.

Transitions are always hard, even if they are for the best. This week has been full of ups and downs. I was working Monday and my fire team was showing me my “Badass” card I gave them and being so sweet thanking me for pulling the effort together – I’ll miss the constant interactions at work and the good people I have met there. I was sad that afternoon. Then my first totally free day, I felt great on a new path and getting my act together on the Nashoba hill (my nemesis) with my old friends. I was proud of myself for showing up – I had lain in bed for about 20″ thinking of reasons why I didn’t have to go and knowing how bad I’d feel if I did not! Waste of time – I just need to roll out of bed and get out there every Wed.

Here comes the test….can I lose weight, get my sleep in order, be consistent in training and see the gains on the road….watch me.

She finished in 59:58:21….1:39 min to spare under 60 hour time cap for a course that is over 100 miles and 60,000′ of elevation gain. Based on Harvey Lewis’ posts, folks weren’t sure she’d make it when she passed by fire tower – picture above – and she left it all out there!! FIRST FEMALE FINISHER AT BARKLEY and definitely a Badass. In an interview she did a few days later, she talked about how bad she wanted to walk and then found another gear. I keep remembering how at the Hamsterwheel, at mile 48 with my headlight going out, I found a whole new gear also! What a great lesson learned – that you always have more in you.

I was back home trying to do a 30″ timed run hyperventilating from the stress of it 🙂 I like to think I am at least playing in the same sandbox as Jasmine based on this picture of me during my Killington Spartan Ultra attempt back in 2019 – like her, heading out from a pit stop for a long stretch…

We all know this is a big year for me recertifying as a badass starting from being 30 lb overweight and debilitated from stress. During my 30″ timed run, I set a record for the month with an average mile time of 11:46/mile. I think I get stressed out doing these tempo runs one, because they’re hard and two, because I put too much pressure on myself and keep thinking how terrible I am compared to 2019 when I did a 7:30 mile (and even then, I was comparing myself to my high school 5:40 min mile days). Have to remember to be kind to myself. I am taking training one day at a time!! I am proud of my efforts for the last 3 weeks with my new coach and am seeing improvements every week. Three weeks ago, I couldn’t even run 0.25 miles without walking. I have learned in the past how my body recoups and gets amazingly better quickly! This year is the test.

I have 7 days left now until retirement.

This week the craziness continued as I flew to Austin to the ESS conference to speak on a panel, which went great if I do say so myself! See the pic and the comment underneath from my colleagues – trying to hold it all together at work and ramp up my training at the same time.

#Badass here I come

Two weeks into training! I am keeping the faith in consistency and have been running every day except for my rest day last two weeks. I’ve gone from having to walk/run all the time losing my breath to a slow 40″ continuous run. I got sick again yesterday – I really think a lower tolerance to fighting off germs is another consequence of serious stress and my body is just saying enough. Two more weeks until retirement and the launch into the third fierce phase of my life!

This weekend I am at the Sea Rovers Scuba show learning how to be a citizen scientist and planning big future trips with friends. The healing has begun.